breastfeeding update

The struggle continues but I think I have found more of a balance. And maybe a little more peace. A few weeks ago I decided to try and reduce pumping to every 3 hours during the day instead of every 2 hours. But this was slippery slope and it has ended up being even less than that. My goal is to try and get at least 6-7 times in during the day and I find that this allows me a little more freedom. And since the ER, the actual breastfeeding hasn't really happened. I tried a week later (to make sure things were good and healed) and the first feeding was probably the best we have ever had. I was so optimistic but the second feeding that day started off with immediate pain which led to pain while pumping. And any barrier to pumping is a dangerous thing so sadly there hasn't been any more time on the boob for little Jack. I am still taking the Domperidone (3 weeks now) and I have seen a little increase in my milk supply but not what I was hoping for. I also tried acupuncture and Chinese herbs but again did not get the results that I was promised. Last Friday we saw Dr. O'Hara for another evaluation of Jack's mouth and my pain. Before the visit both Mike and I were on the same page and did not want her to clip his tongue again even if it was still 'tight'. And guess what? Her assessment was that his tongue is STILL TIGHT but since I didn't see a big improvement since the last clipping she didn't feel that it was necessary. As for my pain, she took a culture but couldn't come up with another reason besides some cracking that was still healing. She basically told us that we are at the end of the line for things to do. Also that after month+ of pumping I have hit my maximum milk supply. So the issues are: my milk supply and protecting what I have, Jack not being able to fully empty my breasts during feedings (which can lead to a low supply or losing my supply) and still causing trauma when breastfeeding. She has referred us to a Osteopathic DO to assess and treat Jack for any possible restrictions (compression on a cranial nerve that may be affecting how he moves his tongue, tightness in his spine that may be have a negative impact) which may have occurred while in utero or during labor/delivery. And a referral to an Occupational Therapist at Seattle Children's Hospital for further help with helping Jack be a more efficient breastfeeder. I will seek out these last two options since we are so close to exhausting all avenues. But I am also afraid of getting my hopes up again. The thought of not being able to breastfeed Jack has been really hard. One of the things I was most looking forward to was breastfeeding and the special relationship that that brings. I have been in tears many times about realizing that potential loss. And I don't know if I have it in me to try again and be heartbroken... again. Because that is almost how it feels. Many people assure me that he will grow big and strong just on formula. My mind knows that but my heart desires so much more.