another clipping:(

When Jackson had his frenulum clipped a few weeks ago Dr. O'Hara mentioned that sometimes babies need to have it clipped again a second time after it heals. Since we are continuing to have issues with feeding I thought that it wouldn't hurt to have it looked at again and be reassured that it was fine. But to our surprise she recommended on having it clipped again. The first time around I wasn't phased by it too much. But it was more difficult this time around due to the fact that Dr. O'Hara said how it can cause them more pain due to requiring a deeper cut. The procedure was over in no time and I think I may have shed more tears than Jackson. I also didn't want to repeat the 'bad, bad night' this time so we made sure to medicate with some Tylenol and have some on hand at home as well as Ibuprofen. Hopefully this will be the last of it. And it has been a week now since I have had the breast pump. I am trying to breastfeed and pump every 2-3 hours. And supplement with either breast milk or formula on top of that. It is one time consuming venture. If all 3 take place (breastfeed/pump/supplement) it usually takes at least an hour. And then you only have an hour until it starts all over again. So there is not a lot of time to do anything else. Much less leave the house or have visitors over who may not be comfortable seeing the process take place. I am not sure I have seen much of an improvement. And it's been a bit of a lonely process but I am hopeful that it will all be worth it. Another light on the horizon is a medication called Domperidone. It isn't FDA approved in the United States but is widely used in Canada to help increase milk supply. I am going to order it on line and it is shipped from Vanuatu of all places. Another trick to add to this bag.

reality

We had a weight check scheduled for this afternoon. And up until this morning I was hopeful (trying not to be overly concerned) that we would see some weight gain. Hopeful until Jack had a meltdown a couple of hours before we left. This was the second time that Jack has ever been inconsolable and it seemed to me that he was hungry. He was frantic like when he was hungry during our 'bad, bad night'. And when we got to the pediatricians office we finally got some consistency and used a scale that he had been weighed on 10 days previously. And my heart sank when I saw a meager 2oz weight gain. If Jack was gaining good weight he should have gained more like 10oz. So now I definitely know there is something wrong despite all of the reassurances. I obviously have a low milk supply despite the frequent feedings. This time the nurse gave me more information on fenugreek, also referred me to a lactation consultant. And told me to supplement with formula. I found myself crying. There is just something so internal and innate about wanting, needing to be the one to provide for my baby. And to realize that my body isn't able to do that right now is crushing. But I took the information and headed home to make a bottle with formula realizing the most important thing is just making sure his little belly is full no matter if it's from breast milk or formula.
And poor Lance, Martha and Julia. They drove up to Seattle to spend time with us, only to have Jack in a fit before we left. And then to have me stressed and upset when we returned home. But they are family and were wonderful and understanding. Sadly they left so I could take a nap. But instead of resting I made phone calls to schedule a visit with a lactation consultant tomorrow. And also to have a hospital grade breast pump delivered. We are getting serious now!

father's day

Today was Mike's first Father's Day! We had a lovely morning at home and I started the tradition of making 'papa' waffles and bacon for breakfast. And then we got a treat of seeing Lance, Martha and Julia who came into town! We spent the day just hanging out at home enjoying our time with Jack and family.

Aunt Martha

Cousin Julia and Uncle Lance

the barking dog

Tonight we had dinner out (at the neighborhood pub) for the first time with Jack. Our friend Casey was in town and helped give us the courage to go for it. It was a bit spontaneous and I didn't feel totally prepared but it went as smooth as could be. It also makes it a lot less intimidating when every table in the restaurant is full of screaming children!

newborn essence

Right after our appointment we headed over to Heather's house for a 'photo shoot'. I really wanted to capture him being a tiny newborn and get some of those adorable photos with Mike holding him in one hand, his little naked body curled up with his butt in the air. After a bit of work and feeding we finally got him to sleep and Heather managed to capture just what I had envisioned. So perfect!

weigh in

Today Jackson had his 2 week Well Child Check. And there are still some questions about his weight gain. At his Newborn Check he had lost some weight and was down to 7#0oz but it was within the normal limit of weight loss for newborns. But our pediatrician wanted us to return 4 days later and have his weight rechecked. At that time his weight, supposedly, was up to 7#11oz. I had a hard time believing he gained 11oz in only 4 days because of our 'bad night' and obviously him being very hungry. I also just had a feeling that my milk supply might not be the best. But everyone reassured me that everything was fine so we stopped supplementing with formula and I continued to breastfeed as normal. But today my suspicions were confirmed when this time the scale showed that he had only gained 1.5oz in 5 days. Something just wasn't right. So the Clinic Nurse talked to me about ways to increase my milk such as taking fenugreek, putting him on the breasts every 2 hours (which I do and even more)and maybe even pumping. And yet another weight check was scheduled in a few days.

12 days

feeding frenzy

Or I guess they call it 'cluster feeding'. They say it is common in newborns and one reason is explained as them 'tanking up' before night time so they can have a longer sleep period. Whatever it is Jackson is insatiable once evening falls. All he wants to do is breastfeed. Even if he falls asleep while on the breasts and appears to be sound asleep and content he's not. As soon as I start to move him away he wakes up screaming, shakes his head back and forth with his little fingers in his mouth wanting more. So I put him on the other side and this is repeated over and over and over again. Last night, or should I say this morning, it was repeated until 5:45am. It was a long night for me...and my breasts.

bad, bad night

On Monday, at Jackson's Newborn check, our pediatrician mentioned that Jackson might be 'tongue tied'. This is where the frenulum that connects the tongue to the floor of the mouth is short and does not allow the tongue to move normally. The immediate issue with this is that it can cause problems with breastfeeding. If the baby can't move his tongue well then he can have problems latching which can cause pain (in mom!) and difficulty transferring milk. Since my nephew, Nicolas, had the same issue we decided to have him evaluated. So yesterday we saw Dr. O'Hara who is a MD that specializes in lactation. She took one look and confirmed that he was indeed tongue tied...and could remedy the situation in her office right then and there. So he had his little frenulum clipped. After a few screams and cries he calmed right down once I started breastfeeding and it seemed that all was well. That is until last night. Poor Jackson was not happy. We weren't sure if he was in pain or if he was hungry but he was inconsolable. And he wouldn't breastfeed. Every time I put him to my breast he would turn frantic, scream and push me away. It was then that my tears started to flow and by 3:30am we were all frantic. That is when I sent Mike on a run to the store...to buy formula. As Mike made a bottle and fed Jack in the bedroom I stood in the kitchen and cried. It was heartbreaking to have him refuse my breasts and then to have to supplement with formula felt like a huge defeat. But the feelings went even deeper than that and are difficult to explain. Basically that as a mother I couldn't provide a major necessity for my baby. But as we saw him start to calm once he had some food in his belly I was thankful for the formula. It was at this point that Mike went into the kitchen. And no tears this time, but ice cream sundaes that were brought back to bed. Not only did Mike buy formula in the middle of the night but had the foresight to buy something that would also calm our nerves...a jar of chocolate sauce. When I commented that I couldn't believe we were eating sundaes in bed at 4:30am Mike simply responded how we deserved them.

first bath

falling in love

This afternoon I experienced the once in a life time sensation of falling head over heels in love with my baby. We were home alone while Mike was at the store picking up some groceries. We were snuggled up in the chair and listening to music. And then a song that always brings tears to my eyes came on. All of a sudden I had this wave of warmth that radiated out from the center of my chest, a sensation I had never had before. And then this overpowering feeling of love for Jack. People talk about the moment you truly bond with your baby. I thought that had happened at birth but know that it truly happened at that moment. I was so incredibly happy and thankful for this little being that is now in my life. It's a moment that I will never forget. And while I was enraptured with my baby at home, Mike was separated from his baby for those few minutes he was at the store. And this was when he had his moment of realizing the enormous love he has for Jack due to simply missing him. When Mike got home we realized that we fell in love at the same time.

home

What a beautiful sunny day for Jackson's homecoming! As we were walking out of the hospital I was reminded of friends who had told us about how they felt when they took their babies home, feeling like "Really? You trust us to take him home?". And that is exactly what went through our minds as we carried him in his car seat, into the elevator, out into the garage and into the car. But I was just so happy to be heading home...and to our own bed. On arrival, we of course were greeted by a very exuberant Sunny. He was especially excited since spending 2 nights at home alone and one night being boarded. His excitement for reuniting with Mike paled in comparison to the new little person we carried into the house. After much anticipation about how Sunny may react to the 'new pack member' Sunny barely gave him a sniff before going to his usual routine of begging Mike to take him for a walk and play. After a little nap we had a visit from Grandma Judy and Grandpa Kirk! And then cousin Reina brought us all a sushi dinner. So nice to be home.

Wearing Aunt Tera's knitted sweater and hat for going home!

There's a baby in our bed!

First 'Sunny Ride'

Meeting Grandpa Kirk!

first day/first night

Jackson's first day was full of family and friends excited to meet him. His first visitors, only a few hours after he was born, were our great friends Elizabeth and Greg. And then our dear friend Heather Perera came with a bottle of champagne in hand for yummy mimosas to celebrate! We had planned to nap but the adrenaline was still pumping and there wasn't much sleep to be had before family started pouring in. Grandpa John and Grandma Traudi were next followed by the rest of the Ginn and Scott clan. Grandma Gail couldn't resist coming back and we also had a visit from Uncle Tom, Aunt Tera and cousin Nicolas. Then some more friends, Suzanne and Pope and Josh and Amy. By the time evening came around all 3 of us were completely exhausted. We settled in and enjoyed the peace and quiet and our first night together.

First Bath

First cuddle from Grandpa John

Aunt Tera and Cousin Nicolas

Uncle Tom

First night getting ready for bed

Peace and Quiet