reality

We had a weight check scheduled for this afternoon. And up until this morning I was hopeful (trying not to be overly concerned) that we would see some weight gain. Hopeful until Jack had a meltdown a couple of hours before we left. This was the second time that Jack has ever been inconsolable and it seemed to me that he was hungry. He was frantic like when he was hungry during our 'bad, bad night'. And when we got to the pediatricians office we finally got some consistency and used a scale that he had been weighed on 10 days previously. And my heart sank when I saw a meager 2oz weight gain. If Jack was gaining good weight he should have gained more like 10oz. So now I definitely know there is something wrong despite all of the reassurances. I obviously have a low milk supply despite the frequent feedings. This time the nurse gave me more information on fenugreek, also referred me to a lactation consultant. And told me to supplement with formula. I found myself crying. There is just something so internal and innate about wanting, needing to be the one to provide for my baby. And to realize that my body isn't able to do that right now is crushing. But I took the information and headed home to make a bottle with formula realizing the most important thing is just making sure his little belly is full no matter if it's from breast milk or formula.
And poor Lance, Martha and Julia. They drove up to Seattle to spend time with us, only to have Jack in a fit before we left. And then to have me stressed and upset when we returned home. But they are family and were wonderful and understanding. Sadly they left so I could take a nap. But instead of resting I made phone calls to schedule a visit with a lactation consultant tomorrow. And also to have a hospital grade breast pump delivered. We are getting serious now!